Archive for Love is not enough

The M Word

Posted in Life, Love, Relationships with tags , , , , on 05/01/2012 by Bitsofki

“Nothing lasts forever” and “everything ends” are phrases that people use to explain the demise of relationships (business, romantic, platonic etc) or other things. And those phrases are true: especially when it comes to marriage.

Marriage: th M-Word that freaks a lot of people out a little, myself included. I feel that marriage isn’t taken seriously and one may respond with the quote “Life is too important to be taken seriously”. That doesn’t matter to me, what does is the nonchalance and lack of foresight with which people say “I do” (or whatever). Marriage is too important to NOT be taken seriously. I don’t think it’s a smart choice to marry someone after a whirlwind romance, especially if you haven’t lived with them. I’m a reluctant, slightly bashful romantic and I think that you should only marry a person when you have the highest degree of certainty that your chosen person is the one for you. And I don’t think that a short time is enough for that.

I’m sure that there are a lot of people who got married after a short period of knowing each other and their marriages survived but why risk it? Why? I don’t get it. They say that you KNOW when you want to marry someone but that doesn’t mean that you can stand them for the rest of your life. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Of course, you can write your own vows and not include that notion but why get married if you want out? You can’t keep one foot out the door: you’re either in or out.

Every single marriage ends: 100% guaranteed. Why? Because people DIE. All marriages end in one of two ways: death or divorce. I’d prefer for mine to end in death than in divorce.
Don’t get me wrong, please, I would never kill my spouse for leaving me. Love and general decency doesn’t allow for that, never mind the law.

I really think that people should get to KNOW each other before getting married. I mean, what if your partner has habits that you can’t stand? Or beliefs that you can’t stomach? Or allergies? In the movie “The Family Stone”, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character didn’t know that her boyfriend is allergic to mushrooms. And he was going to propose. I know that doesn’t sound major but sometimes these things contribute to the demise of an already weak marriage.

I want to know the person that will be my spouse: thoroughly. I know that not too much is certain but I know this: Love is NOT enough. I also know that sometimes, things really don’t work out and divorce is the best route. But we should not adopt the mentality that divorce and marriage go hand in hand: we should adopt the mentality that marriage is serious and should not be entered in lightly or when one is packed full of doubts. And let’s not rush things.