Archive for the Self-Love Category

Self-Preservation and Love

Posted in Life, Love, Relationships, Self-Love with tags , , , , , on 29/01/2012 by Bitsofki

Yesterday, while waiting to cross the street and singing a Taylor Swift song to myself, I thought (not for the first time) that we seem to applaud a person’s lack of self-preservation if it’s in the name of “Love”.

The song that I was singing was “If This Was A Movie” which has a line that goes

Come back to me Eli… If this was a movie.. Stand in the rain outside, til I came out

And as I crossed the street I realised that after said Eli catches a cold, she’ll have to make him soup and all that stuff. That aside, it makes no sense to catch a cold unnecessarily: why can’t you talk in a warm, dry place? And who wants to be lip locking with a blocked-nosed, sneezing person? Not smart

Anyway, today, while on Facebook, I saw this status update:

“Genuine love isn’t a passive, quivering mass of good feelings. Genuine love is a deliberate, intentional, honest, and even painful giving up of self-preservation for another person’s good.”

Of course, red flags went a-flying at “giving up of self-preservation for another person’s good” and I commented as such. The owner then went on to tell me that it means “giving up the “I”, which you have taken good care of because there’s someone worthy and deserving of being part of your “we”“. I clapped once because I felt that this is such nonsense. Even tweeted it. The owner of the status said that she quoted the status from a book but I don’t know or think that her explanation comes from that book.

I really don’t see why one would have to give up “I” for “we” when “we” is made up of two separate beings called “I”. And how can you call the “we” yours? It’s not “your “we”” that you’re making someone a part of: you are making a “we” with that someone. That’s just the way that I see it. Which takes me back to the problem of self-preservation.

How does a lack or surrender of self-preservation become part of love? Why? How does having a seemingly low regard for your own well-being mean that you love someone? Where exactly does this make any sense? A lack of self-preservation, to me, indicates a psychological problem. This is the part where I shrug and sip some Oros.

Standing in the rain is not romantic, it’s silly. Jumping in front of trains, catching grenades and all the stuff isn’t romantic or smart. But it’s just a song, right? It’s just a status update, right? It’s just a comment, right? It’s just a bunch of words, right? OK then, let the toxic relationships, I mean good times, roll


Pieces Of Unsolicited Advice PART V

Posted in Education etc, Life, Money, Relationships, Self-Love on 30/09/2011 by Bitsofki

The way that this post is long overdue is just so sad.. But it’s here, fianlly. My Views may or may not have changed since I wrote this (ages ago)


# 101 In destroying opponents, before you do: turn them into fans, followers whatever (thank you George Orwell and 1984)

# 102 When lying, keep it simple and (if possible) involve no one.

#103 A secret stops being a secret once told to another. It then becomes an intimate detail that shouldn’t be shared.

#104 The moment you say something in an open space, where others can hear you, it becomes as private as public property.

#105 Does it work?

#106 Take me as I am or buzz off.

#107 Don’t pass up a chance to improve yourself

#108 Believe in yourself. Always.

#109 Take credit for your work

#110 Mostly, remuneration in monetary form trumps appreciation.

#111 Luxury is not deserved: you WORK for it.

#112 There are only two ways to get rich: you’re either born rich or you marry rich. There’s only one way to get wealthy: You WORK.

#113 “The rich live well. The wealthy sleep well”

#114 Inner beauty is worth working on. Outer beauty can be bought.

#115 When the actions say one thing and the eyes another: believe the eyes

The Case of THAT Koki

Posted in Self-Love with tags , , , , , , on 21/10/2010 by Bitsofki
I will not be associated with ugly Kokis. DONE

I am supposedly a narcissist with antisocial tendencies. And not antisocial in general terms, no: Antisocial in PSYCHOLOGICAL terms. And by that, I mean the definition provided by psychologists. Anyway, I agree slightly. I just feel that I’m not the classic narcissist. I don’t like being the centre of attention and I KNOW HOW TO FALL BACK. That’s very important but I’ll tackle THAT issue later.

True to my narcissistic nature, I don’t just associate myself with anyone: especially if they have the same name as me. Plus, I posted a pic of myself to go with this little train of thought. Yes, I have some illusions of grandeur: bite me. I love my name: short and funny, two syllables, easy to remember. KOKI. I don’t really enjoy meeting people with the same name as me; it’s just one of those things. Let me put it like this: you’re a product. Your packaging is attractive and your quality is tried, tested and trusted. Now imagine meeting another product of THE SAME NAME. This product however is shabby: The packaging is definitely lacking and the quality is dubious. Would you want your product to be mistaken for (or associated with) that other one? I didn’t think so.

It’s the same when I meet someone with the same name as me who isn’t up to scratch. Let’s just put aside the fact that it makes me look even better: I don’t like fighting with unarmed people. It just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve met a few people with the same name as me: they were all boys. I didn’t really mind as such because they were cool. What really brought on this train of thought, was a recent Facebook invitation that I received: from a GIRL WITH THE SAME NAME AS ME. I was like: OK, just for fun, maybe she’s cool. So I accepted her request and just forgot about her.

Then she started taking over my feed. Updating her status every 5minutes (not literally but she might as well have done that). Strike One. I was annoyed so I decided to check her profile out. She had over 2 100 friends. Like WHAT THE FUCK? Are you kidding me? She’s not a celebrity or anything like that, why have so many friends? Is she trying to collect me? Strike Two. Then I looked at her profile picture: it was a picture of some Nicki Minaj looking chick. The pic was sexy so I softened a bit but I wanted to see her face. I looked through at least 50 pics before I found one of her. STRIKE THREE!!! It was a bad picture. I thought it was probably just a bad upload until I went through more pictures: each one was bad. Seriously? Seriously.

How do you have all your pictures turn out badly? There are SO MANY effects you could use: black and white, sepia, clip art, glasses, shades, scarves, make-up, reduce close-ups. When all else fails, THERE’S PHOTOSHOP. At this point, you’re probably thinking that I’m a vain, judgmental bitch. You are correct. To paraphrase a Sex And The City quote: I judge, it’s my hobby. Some people have Arts and Crafts. I judge. Um, I have other, more decent, real hobbies though lol 🙂

Well, that Koki was removed, as I’m sure you’ve figured out. This is what I have to say: 

If your name is Koki, I am reluctant to know you. If your name is Koki and you’re nasty*: I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW YOU. I exercise my right to freedom of association. You’ve GOT TO love the Constitution.”

*Nasty in terms of the slang for ugly. Yes, there are ugly people out there.

Bigger IS Better!!!

Posted in Body Image, Self-Love with tags on 07/07/2010 by Bitsofki
The old ideal


I’m sipping delicious coffee, listening to good music and feeling comfortable: this is a little piece of peace for me (long,contented sigh). So as usual, I’m up at odd hours and I’m thinking about numerous things (I don’t think about one thing, I just turn the volume down on the other things running through my mind). Loudest thought right now: BIGGER IS BETTER!
Size matters: it always has and it always will. Be it the size of the diamond a guy is flashing or the cup size of that  girl passing by: bigger generally IS better. OK, there ARE some situations where bigger isn’t better but those are not relevant right now. I’m particularly interested in body size: yep, body size. I personally love being a thick/chubby girl: I’m1.69m tall, weigh about 70kg (I’m probably overweight according to that BMI thing), I don’t fill out my size 34 jeans but the 32’s too small (I’d rather wear bigger than smaller jeans, again: bigger is better) and I have an ample bust: 36D. Yep, you guessed it (or not): I’m proud to be this big. Oh, I have big feet too: I wear size 8 😀
The only reason(s) I’m not fat: I tried out different sports but stuck to Athletics (Cross Country), I take the stairs when I can and I’m constantly walking. I don’t work out and I’m deathly lazy. I don’t like the way the “ideal body” is that of an immature girl and not a woman. I mean seriously, how do you hold a size 26 woman without breaking her?  The ideals that we are sold by the media are ridiculous: I don’t believe that anyone can whittle themself down to that size and be happy.Power to those that are that size, naturally, but I’m not even trying to go there. Hell NO.
I’m inbetween the middle and right hand girl. Leaning more to the right


Growing up, I had no ass (hallelujah amen for hormones) and I looked a bit like a boy. It didn’t help that I was rough and hung out with the boys. I remember there was a holiday during which I decided to be competitive and lift weights with my cousin, just to prove that I’m not a sissy. I got too toned. Never again 🙂 Anyway, I hit my growth spurt at 14: Did I rejoice or what! Finally, my breasts were becoming shapely, my butt was trying to grow (to this day it’s still small but it’s not flat. Amen) and I was looking softer and prettier! I definitely wasn’t trying to lose weight or be like the girls on tv(and I’m still not). Sure enough, there were people who made me feel a bit bad for being big but I got over that.
I truly believe that bigger is better: I can imagine myself with A-Cup breasts (no offence) and a smaller waist. With thinner thighs and more toned arms: I don’t like it at all. I don’t see that version of me being able to chow down on a piece of cake without thinking of doing crunches. I see her barely eating a stupid slimmer’s steak and a medium salad (I love salad but I’m not a rabbit. No offence to vegetarians). I see her counting calories and fussing too much over her weight. Not a pleasant picture at all.

I wish the world still saw Marilyn Monroe’s body as a beautiful body to have (her boobs are bit small for my liking but hey, don’t tell me about Kim Kardashian or Beyoncé). I think Torres (Excuse me for being too lazy to google the actress’ name) from Grey’s Anatomy is damn sexy. I wish stick thin women weren’t the norm: they look like they’re dying and I personally don’t know how to hug people like that without being afraid of breaking them. Yes, I wish I could find jeans that fit right, though I’ve mostly given up on that. I wish the sexy bras were available at a reasonable price, in my size (The flat chested girls’  bras are cheaper but they’re stuffing them with padding. It baffles me a bit but bigger is better). 

Oh, there’s this old Dove advert that I absolutely adore: Because of the lady at the end of it. I think she is just BEAUTIFUL!!!  Please watch the ad? The link’s at the end of this.

More than that, I wish more girls would stop starving themselves: food is not your enemy. I wish more women would love their bodies: they’d most probably enjoy sex more. I wish the media was less saturated with unrealistic proportions: I have yet to see a grown ass woman who looks like the mannequins in the stores. I wish more girls would just love themselves.

And I still think that BIGGER IS BETTER!!!

Dove ad link: http: //!v=DuvoxlPZARA&feature=related