Archive for the Life Category

The Time Thief

Posted in Family, Life, Relationships with tags , , , , , on 03/03/2012 by Bitsofki

Most of us are familiar with the saying that “Procrastination is the thief of time” and have probably seen it in practice as we have other things to do when we should study or write essays. What we don’t really mention, maybe even realise, is that there is a much friendlier, more effective, living breathing talking time thief (cue drumroll): The Mother.

Yes, that’s right: The Mother is the smartest, most organised time thief you will ever come across. With her cookies or trips to the mall and other (sometimes less enticing) tactics, The Mother will steal your time without you even realising it. How many times has your mother taken you to the mall when you were supposed to be writing an essay? Or gotten you to wake up early to go somewhere, only for her to take forever getting ready? Never mind the tasks/chores that popped up when you had other stuff to do.

The Mother calls you, to blind you with her love and affection, so that when she strikes: you are defenceless. Do not underestimate The Mother: she is highly trained and skilled at what she does. All those cookies, ice-cream, chats and countless wonderful things, are her weapons.

The Mother probably created that procrastination saying to draw attention away from herself. Do not be fooled! The Mother is the Ultimate Time Thief!

*No mothers were hurt in the typing of this post and it is not to be taken too seriously or too lightly. And Remember: The Mother is watching.

Self-Preservation and Love

Posted in Life, Love, Relationships, Self-Love with tags , , , , , on 29/01/2012 by Bitsofki

Yesterday, while waiting to cross the street and singing a Taylor Swift song to myself, I thought (not for the first time) that we seem to applaud a person’s lack of self-preservation if it’s in the name of “Love”.

The song that I was singing was “If This Was A Movie” which has a line that goes

Come back to me Eli… If this was a movie.. Stand in the rain outside, til I came out

And as I crossed the street I realised that after said Eli catches a cold, she’ll have to make him soup and all that stuff. That aside, it makes no sense to catch a cold unnecessarily: why can’t you talk in a warm, dry place? And who wants to be lip locking with a blocked-nosed, sneezing person? Not smart

Anyway, today, while on Facebook, I saw this status update:

“Genuine love isn’t a passive, quivering mass of good feelings. Genuine love is a deliberate, intentional, honest, and even painful giving up of self-preservation for another person’s good.”

Of course, red flags went a-flying at “giving up of self-preservation for another person’s good” and I commented as such. The owner then went on to tell me that it means “giving up the “I”, which you have taken good care of because there’s someone worthy and deserving of being part of your “we”“. I clapped once because I felt that this is such nonsense. Even tweeted it. The owner of the status said that she quoted the status from a book but I don’t know or think that her explanation comes from that book.

I really don’t see why one would have to give up “I” for “we” when “we” is made up of two separate beings called “I”. And how can you call the “we” yours? It’s not “your “we”” that you’re making someone a part of: you are making a “we” with that someone. That’s just the way that I see it. Which takes me back to the problem of self-preservation.

How does a lack or surrender of self-preservation become part of love? Why? How does having a seemingly low regard for your own well-being mean that you love someone? Where exactly does this make any sense? A lack of self-preservation, to me, indicates a psychological problem. This is the part where I shrug and sip some Oros.

Standing in the rain is not romantic, it’s silly. Jumping in front of trains, catching grenades and all the stuff isn’t romantic or smart. But it’s just a song, right? It’s just a status update, right? It’s just a comment, right? It’s just a bunch of words, right? OK then, let the toxic relationships, I mean good times, roll

The M Word

Posted in Life, Love, Relationships with tags , , , , on 05/01/2012 by Bitsofki

“Nothing lasts forever” and “everything ends” are phrases that people use to explain the demise of relationships (business, romantic, platonic etc) or other things. And those phrases are true: especially when it comes to marriage.

Marriage: th M-Word that freaks a lot of people out a little, myself included. I feel that marriage isn’t taken seriously and one may respond with the quote “Life is too important to be taken seriously”. That doesn’t matter to me, what does is the nonchalance and lack of foresight with which people say “I do” (or whatever). Marriage is too important to NOT be taken seriously. I don’t think it’s a smart choice to marry someone after a whirlwind romance, especially if you haven’t lived with them. I’m a reluctant, slightly bashful romantic and I think that you should only marry a person when you have the highest degree of certainty that your chosen person is the one for you. And I don’t think that a short time is enough for that.

I’m sure that there are a lot of people who got married after a short period of knowing each other and their marriages survived but why risk it? Why? I don’t get it. They say that you KNOW when you want to marry someone but that doesn’t mean that you can stand them for the rest of your life. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Of course, you can write your own vows and not include that notion but why get married if you want out? You can’t keep one foot out the door: you’re either in or out.

Every single marriage ends: 100% guaranteed. Why? Because people DIE. All marriages end in one of two ways: death or divorce. I’d prefer for mine to end in death than in divorce.
Don’t get me wrong, please, I would never kill my spouse for leaving me. Love and general decency doesn’t allow for that, never mind the law.

I really think that people should get to KNOW each other before getting married. I mean, what if your partner has habits that you can’t stand? Or beliefs that you can’t stomach? Or allergies? In the movie “The Family Stone”, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character didn’t know that her boyfriend is allergic to mushrooms. And he was going to propose. I know that doesn’t sound major but sometimes these things contribute to the demise of an already weak marriage.

I want to know the person that will be my spouse: thoroughly. I know that not too much is certain but I know this: Love is NOT enough. I also know that sometimes, things really don’t work out and divorce is the best route. But we should not adopt the mentality that divorce and marriage go hand in hand: we should adopt the mentality that marriage is serious and should not be entered in lightly or when one is packed full of doubts. And let’s not rush things.

Independence

Posted in Life, Money, Relationships with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 27/12/2011 by Bitsofki

As kids, we’re taught that we are the future and we should strive to be independent. It’s a nice idea, isn’t it? However, reaching true independence can take a while. Why? As Loyiso Gola tweeted “your parents run your life because they pay for your life”.

You may think that you’re independent but you’re not. As long as your source of income is someone else, your independence is limited. This statement includes rich kids whose parents don’t love them to a certain point but it applies to the average kid: the one whose parents work (or parent works) and don’t have money to blow. Or buy blow. You have to work for your independence: make your own money. For as long as someone else is providing you with money, you are dependent on them.

Look at me: I live in a flat, paid for by mum. I go to a nice university, paid for by my mum. I can cook, with ingredients paid for by my mum. If I happened to be put in a position where my mum could not/would not provide for me, I’d lose a lot of things. But that isn’t what annoys me.

What irks me, is the fact that due to the financial support, I can’t do my own thing. I can do only what my mum will finance. I got blonde highlights in May and my mum was OK but when I went purple, she didn’t appreciate it. And I’d done it with her money. See how limiting that is? If I could, I would not go home during the festive season. But I can’t. You know why? Coz I don’t have my own money. I’d need her help to stay alive.

It really sucks because I can’t really say that my life is my own: I don’t control it to the utmost. I can’t say that I completely do as I please. So I’m stuck with: My life is mine to live as I please. Within the constraints of my mother’s thumb. For now.

Judge-mental-ity

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 11/12/2011 by Bitsofki

Anyone that’s preparing to say “Don’t judge me/ You shouldn’t judge/” or anything that seeks to stop me from judging should just save their breath. They should also catch a clue and sit down: it’s just stupid. And rather hypocritical.

It’s hypocritical because before telling me what to do, you’d have to assess the situation then pass judgement on my actions. So zip it.

OK, with that typed, let’s move on. Saying that people shouldn’t judge is like telling them not to breathe: it’s basic to human nature. Back back back in the day, our ancestors used their primitive faculties to judge whether it was right to move on to a new settlement or which cow to slaughter and all that survival stuff. So it’s ingrained in us to assess (judge) our surroundings and community and even ourselves.

Without judgement, how would one choose the right business to invest in? Or the right university to go to? Or which beer is your favourite? Which wine to drink? Which person to trust? I’ll admit that we pass harsh judgements on people all the time but different judgements foster dialogue and debate over issues: judgement was part of abolishing slavery, letting women vote, letting you exist. Yeah, that’s right.

Of course people want to say don’t judge me and a few minutes later, they’ll judge Mshoza for lightening her skin. I think she looks fantastic, by the way. That isn’t how it works: we judge everything. EVERYTHING!

This is why I will judge you: I am allowed to judge my environment/ surroundings/ society and in letting yourself enter any of these spheres of mine, you become a part of them. Hence you are subject to my judgement. Oh and also because I can: it’s what I do. I was watching Sex And The City a long time ago and I adapted one of the lines: “I judge, it’s what I do. Some people have arts and crafts: I judge”.

Ke Dezemba Boss

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , on 28/11/2011 by Bitsofki

It’s that time of the year again: when students are relaxing in the sun or getting holiday jobs; when students don’t have study for about a month or so. Yep, it’s the end of the year. Or as people have been tweeting on my TL: Ke Dezemba Boss! That means it’s December. Gotta love South Africa.

Like most students, that I know, I don’t live with my mother. She lives in another province while I’m here, attending school. So like all my friends, I have to go home at the end of the year when I’d really rather stay here. However, food is running low and so is money and mum keeps asking when you’re coming home. That aside, this is the time of the year that I have a love-hate relationship with: it’s cool to be on holiday and spend some time with my family but I miss my friends! After about two weeks, I just want to be back on campus, living my awesome student life -sigh-

Alas that is not the case: I’ll spend my holiday in the hot Limpopo sun, learning how to drive (I need to get my licence), cooking for my family (it’s a small one) and not really knowing what to do with myself. OK not all the time: I’ve got a plan to read and learn stuff.

So I’ll enjoy the time that I have left with my friends then head on over to mummy’s food-order-love-filled house because Ke Dezemba Boss!

Exam Time

Posted in Education etc, Life with tags , , , , , , , , , on 16/11/2011 by Bitsofki

It’s that time of the year again: students are stressed, having breakouts, feeling tired and they are drinking energy drinks to stay up. Not to party but to study.

Exams are stressful for a lot of people, for example: it was reported, recently (2 or so weeks ago), that a student attacked a lecturer in an exam venue. He was supposed to be writing an exam in that venue and stories have circulated that he attacked the lecturer because he (the lecturer) is unfair. I don’t know the details so I’ll put it down to extreme pressure and stress. Another whisper went around that a guy randomly took his pants off in the library. Exam heat can do that to you.

I honestly think that exam time should be the most chilled time of the year. I mean: nobody’s having parties, the majority of people look like crap, lectures and tutorials are over, you don’t have to hand anything in and you can get some sleep. During the year there’s a lot of stuff happening and sleep deprivation is normal but during exams? No. Then again, some people have horrible timetables, a million subjects and are prone to worrying.

Me? I’m chilled. A lot of people say that it’s because I do a BA and they’re right. I chose my subjects, I’m doing me so it’s a whole lot more fun. And besides, it’s a lot easier balancing a life that you enjoy than one that you don’t. Plus I have a cool timetable.

All nighters and Monster are for during the block, right now people should be getting their eight hours and some sunshine. Just study smarter.